The Difficulties of a Marginalized Christian Worker

By calling, I am a Christian minister, ordained into the ministry in 1984. I have a problem of being marginalized by the Christian community. When someone couldn't fit in to a certain established social mode, people do not know what to think or do with him/her.

In my case, I am a musician and music professor who is versatile in classical, pop and ethnic music in the college level which is already rare in the academia. My being lead professor of ethnic music plus being elected as Chairperson of the Asian Studies Department of the largest community college in the country further confuses many people. My concerts of classical, ethnic and pop music had been all very well attended and successful. All of these achievements made people jealous. But my calling is actually preaching the Word, but then most people only do one and they separate the two, preaching/pasturing and music as different entities. So I cannot please any of them. I can't fit in to just one mode. I am also a minister experienced in teaching theology. (Grace School of Theology and Ministry, International Bible Institute) That can't fit me into one mode. People like to fit you into one mode so they can expect and predict you and so to control you or compete with you. Most people would casually, but unwittingly make comments about you. However, most of their comments do not fit you. Even though some are intelligent enough to know it, but they do not care about acknowledging you, because acknowledging you requires humility in their part. I speak Good American English, Cantonese and Mandarin with fluency. That also marginalized me. I am bi-cultural, comfortable in both American and Chinese cultures and communities. That again marginalized me.

I think, a theology professor in Hong Kong, my good friend Dr. Sam Tsang, is also like this. He speaks English, Cantonese and Mandarin. He is bi-cultural. He is extremely specialized in Biblical interpretation and a graduate of one of the most acknowledged Seminaries. He is a writer of many books. But he talks directly. He never beats around the bush. He speaks without any inhibition. He does not entertain Wai, Wai, Wai - talk the talk. He does not practice the false politeness (PC) and he does not play the game that all Chinese ministers and seminary professors do to get to where they are, hiding their not-so-righteous motivations to do what they do and get to where they want to be. Criticizing those who does not quite fit in to their own mode is a natural fleshly response which they called "Holiness". The ultimate motivation is to control you and play their branch of politics. So he also suffers from being marginalized. It takes persons of maturity and greatness to accept such marginalized persons.

One Hong Kong "Break Through" staff member said it to me correctly in the eighties, even I couldn't quite believe him at the time because I did not believe I was any good. He said, "People like you (Joshua), a marginalized person always have a hard time." He identified with me. He was serving in the Media field.

Sometimes I would like to be somebody who fit into a regular mode. I have known at least two pastors and one retired seminary president who gave up or hide their passion as a musician and became a respectable pastor/theologian. They fit themselves into a mode. They had their chances. But I started as a musician. (which even I could not believe it myself) That made the difference.

Now, I am a marginalized musician and I want to move into theology and the ministry as a pastor. That caused problems. That is a no, no. Everybody wants me to do music which I do very well! Then they would not want to see me do anything else well because then I would be different from what they are comfortable with. I therefore became a threat. I am a threat to many ministers because I can do what they do better and I have a lot more to offer. I was interviewed by three Chinese churches and in all three cases, I caused arguments among the leadership. I tried to integrate into two Chinese churches trying to serve with genuine humility and submission but was politely and secretly invited out by the senior pastor. In one case where I was invited to preach in three languages and was very well received but I saw that I would cause a great split among the leadership. So I declined the "calling". Such is my story and it is the absolute truth.

My calling is to serve God, not men. I should just wait for the Lord to lead me where He wants me to and do not expect to be honored by any men. I should write something positive and forget the ill nature of men. I should not stoop down to their level to feel the pain they inflict on me but to do my own thing. Write a lot so maybe I could contribute to the ministry my way. And serve God as I see it. I hope it is OK with the Lord that I serve Him this way.